Monday, March 14, 2011

Sometimes it's hard to get started...

The Top 11 Lists that I've started writing in my head and then completely abandoned before I even start typing, is what this list really is.

11. Top 11 Days of the Week

After adding Smunday, Schmensday and Pancake Day, I realized I still only had 10 and couldn't possibly think of an 11th that wouldn't totally just be making up another day. We only have seven. Makes it hard to do a top 11 list. Though I looked it up and found out that other cultures used more than just 7 days in the past. Several cultures had 10 day weeks, and some older cultures had only 3 day weeks. Why did we pick 7? Because it's lucky? Seven's a good number but it doesn't divide well into, well, anything really. I guess if we had 350 days a year we could have 50 good weeks, but as it stands we have 52 weeks and some change left over.

That was just poorly thought out, if you ask me. And Pancake Day should so be a real day.

Smushed right between Smunday and Schmensday.


10. Top 11 Months of the Year

Ok, now I have the opposite problem from number 11, which is in order to make this list I'd have to exclude a month. Do you know how hard it is to pick one to exclude? If you had to pick 11 months to survive and kill one off which one would you pick?

December has Christmas, November has Thanksgiving, January has my birthday...I can't pick one. August? Are there any good holidays in August? Surely I know somebody who has a birthday there, they'd probably be pretty upset if I ditched it. One month's as good as another right? How would you even rank them?

See, this is how I got started in my head and then just decided not to type.


Look at them mocking me with their colorfulness...


9. Top 11 Mistakes made by Scooby Doo characters

This one was a wash as they always make the same mistakes: The Scooby gang always splits up, and the villains always overlook the fact that a bunch of kids might figure out that the monster might just be a guy in a mask.

There's another mistake the Scooby Gang make, actually: How many episodes would it take before any real person started just going, "Oh, there's a monster in town? Probably a guy in a mask. It's happened like 11,000 times already." How is that never their first thought?

They can't even drive without being terrified.

8. Top 11 Presidents of the United States

There's no way to write this list without it becoming a political debate. And I'd feel cheezy for including Washington and Lincoln because they're just the most famous. I should do a Top 11 Presidents that people don't know anything about and use Millard Filmore and Chester A. Arthur and all those guys that were President during random times of the country's existence when nothing particularly exciting was happening.

Quick, what's James Buchanan most famous for? Yeah, I don't know either.

Even I'm not sure which President I am. Oh, it says Van Buren, right there.


7. Top 11 States in the United States

After Texas and West Virginia I ran out of ideas. New York's nice. California has good weather. I guess there's some other nice ones. Illinois? Yeah, it's pretty good, I guess. It has Chicago at least. North Carolina's ok. But really, beyond those, they're all just "States that aren't Texas".

And that's just sad.

This map is 100% accurate.

6. Top 11 Fictional Bars

I came up with Cheers and the Mos Eisley Cantina, and then I ran out of ideas. There have to be more famous fictional bars, right? There's McLaren's Pub from How I Met Your Mother. There's Moes, from the Simpsons, and I guess the Drunken Clam from Family Guy. I couldn't think of anymore without just making things up. I'm bound to have missed a good one somewhere.

Oh, right. I forgot the Regal Beagle.


5. Top 11 Fake Names Generated From Spam Emails

The problem with this is that I have so many. So, so many. Spam Email Generators try to make names that look like real names, but are clearly fake. Things like "Sixta Jo", "Ghastly Q. Looseness", and "Possibly K. Enjoining". There's too many good ones for me to even try to cut that list down to 11. Possibly K. Enjoining is still killing me. I may just write a book where every character is named from a Spam Email I got. I'm almost positive someone's tried this already.

You can't fool me. That's Chuck E. Cheese after some kind of Borg Assimilation.

4. Top 11 Pizza Toppings

A difficult list for me because I run out after pretty much 5. Pepperoni, Sausage, Canadian Bacon (ham), Ground Beef and Mushrooms. I guess I could throw Garlic and Extra Cheese in there to hit 7, but everything else is non-meat related and I'm just not down with that. Mushrooms are as close as I get to putting a vegetable on a pizza. Why would you ruin a good pizza with onions and green peppers? (Sorry, Mom).

I once accidentally bit into a pizza with anchovies on it and I nearly threw up in my mouth. I can still taste that horrible, horrible pain just thinking about it. Gah! Anchovies. Bad, just bad. Don't put bait on pizza.

I don't even need to say anything. Good call, cat.

3. Top 11 Numbers between 1 and 10

Do I include decimals? Pi? Just whole numbers? I thought about doing this list and just doing 1-10 and having pi be one of the numbers, cause I thought that would be funny, but it's a long way to go for a joke. And there's not much to say about some of the numbers. I mean, 7 is lucky, 3 is the magic number, 1 is the loneliest number, but 6? I guess it's 1 third of the number of the beast. What about 4? 8? 10? Wait, I'm thinking of things. I may write this list yet.

And I already ruined the joke. Great. Way to go, Todd.

Wouldn't it be easier to color the numbers first? Just sayin.

2. Top 11 Books by Charlotte and Emily Bronte

Neither of them has ever written a good book, so this just went right out the window as soon as it flashed through my head.

Not pictured: Entertainment.

1. Top 11 Passwords I Use on the Internet

How silly would it be for me to tell you this?

Here's the trick, I just use all *'s for my passwords.

6 comments:

Travis said...

Buchanan was never married.

So there.

Madtoad said...

Well played.

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