Gas pumps hate me, or something.

So, here's a story. I go to put gas in my car, right? This is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, I think. I've done it before. I'll probably do it again. So, I'm thinking, I know what I'm doing.

I pull up to the gas station, I get out, undo the gas cap, and I check out the pump. Now, normally, I don't look at the instructions for using the gas pump, like I said, I've done this before. But this one caught my eye for some reason, maybe it was it's placement, or the fact that it had big bright white letters or something. Anyway, what it says to do is 1.) Remove the nozzle from the gas pump and then 2.) Select a fuel grade.

This confused me for just a moment, because I'm used to doing what I do first, which is sliding my credit card and telling it either my pin number or my zip code so that it knows it's me. Cause it's not possible that anyone stealing my wallet and ending up with my credit card is going to know my zip code, right? Cause it's not printed on my driver's license or anything. See? Security procedure's working fine.

Anyway, I forgo my normal modus operandi and actually follow the instructions. I refrain from sliding my card first and try to be, you know, all helpful citizen and stuff, doing what the little signs tell me. So I remove the nozzle; I select a fuel grade. At this point, nothing happens. So I'm stumped. The instruction sign ends here. It doesn't say what to do now.

But I'm no fool. I should be able to figure this out. I check out the digital readout on the gas pump. It says "Slide card now." Or, more accurately what it says is 5LIDE CARD NOW, cause the 5 and the S are suspiciously similar. So I 5lide my card.

At this point, the gas pump says "INVALID PAYMENT METHOD" And just starts flashing. Er...Invalid Payment Method? I don't think so. It's a credit card. It worked when I bought lunch with it. Heck, it worked yesterday when I bought gas. Now it's invalid? I don't think so. I think if I'd tried to pay with string that would be INVALID PAYMENT METHOD. I'd like to pay with broken promises and childhood memories, is that ok? INVALID PAYMENT METHOD. Yeah, Ok, I'll buy that. But a credit card? That's VALID PAYMENT METHOD if ever there was one.

So, I gotta trek to the store. This is ok, it's a small parking lot, there's a lady working in there, I go in and tell her what happened. In fact, what I said, cause I'm always trying to be funny is "I think I broke your gas pump." She looks aghast at this news and I quickly follow that up with, "It's just blinking at me." She looks down at her gas pump-o-matic 3000 or whatever and pushes the reset button and says, "Try sliding your card first."

Yeah, thanks lady, from this point on any signs you have posted are pretty much getting ignored. Thanks for the heads up.

So, I go do things like normal and the pump works fine. I'm sitting there looking at the little sign thinking why would you even do something like that? Here's some instructions that don't work! Have a nice day!

But then, tragedy, when I finish pumping my gas, the little digital readout says "RECEIPT INSIDE". I can only assume it means the clerk has my receipt, because if it's inside the gas pump there's not much chance of me getting it without getting arrested or blowed up. So I trek back to the gas station.

Here's where it gets weird.

I go in and tell the clerk, "It says you have my receipt."
She says, "Yeah, here you go."
In another last ditch effort to get at least a chuckle I say, "I guess your gas pump is out to get me."
And here's where it goes off the rails. Her response to that, which I can't for the life of me still understand, is:
"I think all the gas pumps in Texas are out to get you. No offense."

Um...what? I mean, as a general overview of gas prices being high, then yes, I concur, all the gas pumps are out to get me. Not just me, but everyone, it would seem. And if that was her intention, that's fine, but why the "No offense."? Was I supposed to be offended that all the gas pumps are out to gouge me? Not just me but people in general? Was she saying I looked poor? The car I was driving was a rental, a brand new 2008 Black Ford Taurus. It didn't look cheap. It' s not a hooptie. I wasn't wearing a tuxedo or anything, but Lady, you're working at a gas station! No offense.

I still don't know what to make of that.


Anyway, here's some links while you ponder the mystery that is the Lady at the Gas Station's words of wisdom.

STUMP: The game.
Ramps. Another game.

WANTED: The movie. There's no way this is going to be as dark as the comic it's based off of, I guarantee that.
Underworld 3? Well, at least if there's more Kate Beckinsale in skin tight leather it can't be all bad.

Joss Whedon, who you may or may not know as the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly (that's a great series if you've never seen it) is coming back to television with a new show. That's good news!

I love this, cause I love wacky Japanese shows, but this one's good. The world record holder for walking speed is practicing on a track in Japan. Apparently the idea was to send a group of armed Samurai after him to see if he would run or walk away. Oh, yeah, it's fantastic. What did he do? You'll have to watch to find out.

Finally, I'm not even sure what the most interesting thing about this post is. Is it that they're making a Shazam movie? Or that they've signed the Rock to play Black Adam? (Seriously, that's good casting.) Or the fact that the Rock leaked this information while he was filming a remake of Escape from Witch Mountain. It's the Witch Mountain thing, right?